you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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