I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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