i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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