he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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