Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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