yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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