Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
