you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
