we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
