what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
