Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
