that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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