Can i not drive my cunt home
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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