his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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