funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
