peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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