i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
