Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
