Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
