Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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