FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
