alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
