Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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