you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
