He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
