he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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