Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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