matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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