1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
