A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
