batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
