i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
