i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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