you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
