My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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