Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
