did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
BRING THE BAGELS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
