Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
