glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
