Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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