you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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