so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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