Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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