I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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