I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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