You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
