In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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