Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
