did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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