Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
