wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
