Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
