i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
