hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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