What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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