Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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