so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
