he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
