I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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