Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
